People can complain about Christmas themed horror all they want, but it taps into three key traditions. You have the Northern European tradition of telling horror stories at Christmas, the horror genre tradition of taking happy situations and warping them, and the horror movie tradition of ripping off anything succesful. You also have the great tradition of misleading posters, which occasional leaves you with something other than a lump of coal.
If you ever wanted to know what films Ken Loach would have made if he had been brought up on a steady diet of The Evil Dead and cheap speed on a sink estate in Maldon then do we have a treat for you! Made by the Chelmsford Film Society and distributed by independent film royalty Troma Entertainment, it tackles questions of reality, social degradation, mental health, and quantum physics. Mostly it does it by taking the piss and being cheap as hell, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be groundbreaking in it’s own rights.
Continue reading
I went into this knowing practically nothing about it, either with it’s original title or AKA of “Rebel Waves”. Given the amount of post-apocalyptic nonsense I watch, and the number of books I read on the subject (like the rather excellent https://pulsestore.net/produit/after-the-world-ends/?lang=en After The World Ends by Claude Gaillard, that I encourage all fans of the genre to check out), that surprised me, but after about 10 minutes I’d worked out why. And for the cynics amongst you it wasn’t because it was yet another low cost Mad Max lite Continue reading
This was a short and low effort movie, so I’m going to be doing the same for the review. Hopefully you’ll also be as amused as I was watching the film, and the title will also have grabbed your attention. Ironically, it took me longer to write and upload this blog post than it did for William Beaudine to make the film.
Continue reading
The film starts with ten minutes of exposition and the unlikely appearance of Faye Dunaway. Provided by Alex Newman in the role of “scientist who doomed the whole planet and feels really quite miffed about it”, it lays out the pros and cons of the next 80 minutes for all to see. Lots of ideas, lots of stylish 2ks cybergoth imagery, CGI that looks like it was originally a PlayStation cut-scene, and not quite talent to reach it’s highly ambitious goals. Frankly, it’s a bit of a mess; but there is an undeniable something that makes you carry on watching to see where it goes. Continue reading
Sorry I’ve been away for… wow, almost two months!… but life and doing another season of Paul And Andrew Watch All Of got in the way of keeping the reviews coming through. However, I carried on watching movies to keep me going and, as I often do when sitting on a nice sofa in a warm room, I acknowledge that things could be far worse. For a start, I could have been homeless. So, as is my semi–annual tradition, I’m going to spend time watching films I know I’m going to hate in the hopes you’ll donate some cash to help homeless people.
It’s a simple concept: I watch Amityville movies for 24 hours straing, possibly losing my mind because they’re all incredibly dull and frequently nothing but cheapy mockbusters, you get to see it happening in real time as I stream it and mock/encourage me directly as I try to get through it all, and we both help get some much needed cash to Crisis UK. Or you do the same but send the money to a homeless charity in your part of the world and tell me you did it. Main thing: Bad Movies + Endurace Watch = Donations + Amusement.
Things start 30th of September, which means you have plenty of time to raid your sofa for change and tell all your friends! Or even your enemies if they’re good for a share or a couple of coins into the pot. The main thing is that it’s happening and everyone is invited to you might as well make something good happen from it, other than me finding new ways to describe a pondurouse bit of cinematic chaff. So, please: send money to justgiving.com/page/24-hours-in-amityville and wish me luck as I try to spend 24 Hours In Amityville.
The Raggedyman
This was watched because it looked like a cheesy mix between a vampire movie & Cocoon and because John Saxon always adds a touch of class to a movie. The trailer was that kind of uninspiring middle-of-the-road schleppy that can sometimes be the snuggly sci-fi horror blanket you need.
Continue reading
Rutger Haure died in 2019, and he’s still got two movies to come out because he was just such an unstoppable powerhouse of great acting. Apparently, he himself said he was only brilliant in two or three of his roles, which is clear modesty on his part. So I picked this to watch as he was on the front cover, and I can comfortably say that this isn’t one of his best. But it’s also too interesting to not share thoughts on, so here we go.
Continue reading
There is a truth, often spoken uncontested, that Rawhead Rex is an utterly shitty film. Much like James Corden, it has become a byword for badly made, uninspired, and derivative trash. Thus, as a fan of all flavours of cinema (including the super-sour), I never bothered to track it down and only watched it because it was free, I had nothing specific to watch, and the algorithm spotlighted it for me. I was expecting a mild hate watch, and instead, I was just angry at all those who had pointlessly berated this perfectly acceptable film for internet points.
Continue reading
This was found by HJDoom, of the now returned-to-regular-podcasting Bela Lugosis Shed, for their regular Sunday night Poor Quality Film Club viewing sessions. And, yes; I am going to plug the hell out of that podcast. It’s a great listen that you should be listening to too. So do yourself a favour and GET IN THE SHED!
Continue reading
Trash or Treasure 