Category Archives: Film

Backtrack (2015)

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Who’s up for a bit of 2015 “mystery thriller” starring Oscar-winning Adrian Brody and every-award-but-an-Oscar winning Sam Neill? Sure that’s going to get you excited? What if we said it was written, directed, and produced by Michael Petroni, director of well-received The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, The Rite, and The Book Thief (and actor in DAAS Kapital, for the obscure 90s-TV-lovers out there)? Probably not as much, but you’d think you would be in safe hands. That you hadn’t heard of the film might make you a bit hesitant, but surely it can’t be that bad with such a pedigree?
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This Island, Earth (1955) did not age well

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I took another chance on a Sexagenarian classic of cinema, to see if it holds up as well as it did when I saw it aged 8, and the answer is “Not really, but it did look pretty”. Obviously frontloading a review with that information is going to cut down on the number of people reading on, but after this movie mucked me around for 86 minutes it would be unfair to not cut to the chase here.
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Don’t Panic! The remakes can’t hurt you if you don’t let them in

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The Lost Boys is getting a remake, and thus my horror and movie feed has been filled with people throwing their arms up as they suddenly realise they are 30 years away from being culturally relevant. “Oh no!”, I imagine their little straw voices cry, “What if the girl is more than a lampshade with incredible hair? What if the music isn’t from my last carefree summer? What if there isn’t an overly long sequence with an oiled-up saxophonist? And what if it also doesn’t receive the universal acclaim that I think the original was given?” Continue reading →

Identity (2003)

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It’s not easy writing about thrillers with tightly packed, intricately layered plots, as you’re always worried about giving spoilers away. As such I’m tempted to leave this one at “The film is excellent”, “John Cusack really does look like a startled fish” and “you should watch it!”. You’re probably going to want more than that, but it’s true and it avoids me putting in clues carelessly. So, don’t say I didn’t warn you from the start.
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Nightmare Beach (1984)

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I saw this one doing the rounds on the “so bad, they’re good” social media conversations recently, but to risk a fight with the people yelling “cult classic!” one too many times I can safely put this slasher on the “so bad it’s actually just a disappointing viewing experience” pile instead. And I use disappointing with great care because had the filmmakers put any care into it there was the chance of a decent film.
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Prayer Of The RollerBoys (1990) – Nazi skaters, naff off!

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It’s sometime in the future, approximately a couple of years after the environmental apocalypse, and due to overwhelming personal debt generated by the Baby-Boomers, America is now owned by a variety of other nations. Obviously, that makes no sense, but neither does a movie’s antagonists traveling by rollerblade; something that requires the kind of well-maintained streets and pavements post-collapse societies normally don’t offer. Still, this is not a movie that’s going to let such things get in the way of having a good time.
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Candyman (2021) – Because the candy man can…

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If there’s one thing horror cinema loves, it’s a reboot, remake, or sequel of a damn fine bit of cinema from a couple of decades ago. And if there’s one thing horror cinema is awful at, it’s making reboots, remakes, or sequels that are any good. They forget what made the original worth watching, add nothing to the narrative, or alienate fans of the original. Well, good news for all: whatever Candyman 2021 is, it’s a damn fine follow-up to Candyman 1992.
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Scanner Cop 2: The Showdown (1995) Laxative combat and you!

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For a movie that is the sequel to the spin-off of a film that people mostly remember for the exploding head sequence, I shouldn’t have expected much. David Cronenberg had demonstrated his potential as a writer and director with 1981’s body-horror classic Scanners, but by the time this Steve Barnett film came out 14 years later, his entire involvement was as a bit of advertising copy and a small payment. But whilst Scanners: The Showdown fails to be a worthwhile watch by any conventional standards, it does hold some very valuable lessons about how to screw up a decent central premise.
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Double Dragon (1994)

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In the history of films based on video games, Double Dragon will always be the one that people go “oh, they made that? Really?”. It had the misfortune of coming out a year after the first videogame movie, Super Mario Bros, and a month before what is still one of the most heavily promoted, Street Fighter. It also had about a quarter the budget of either, and no big-name stars. But, much like the game itself when I was a kid in the arcade, I had to give it a go.
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