One of the greatest things about Sir Christopher Lee (of which there is a long list) is that he always gave an incredible and committed performance regardless of the quality of the film he was in. As such, whenever someone finds one of his lesser-known works it’s always worth a punt, even if the film is otherwise quite bad. And by golly does this 1977 John Hayes directed movie prove that!

The story that fills in the time when Sir Lee isn’t on screen revolves around Professor Boran (Kirk Scott) being mildly surprised to have discovered incontrovertible proof of extra-terrestrial life and, more pressingly, having to go to a variety of formal dinners with his wife Sylvia (Sue Lyon in a variety of incredible dresses and gowns). There are also a lot of loving shots of plush housing, a variety of air hangers that look nothing like a NASA facility, and some quality parking.

Eventually, the Borans head off into the wilderness of the California suburbs to track down something due to reasons and, inevitably, end up at a nunnery. There they meet a bunch of incredibly sinister nuns and Father Pergado (Christopher Lee). Things are clearly not what they seem, because it would be even duller if it was just a bunch of Nuns and a Vicar wanting two trespassing nosey people to bugger off and stop walking over the flowers, so they resolve to investigate further. Then they find a CIA bunker.

Lots more filler happens, some admittedly very good plot things happening in the background around the Boran’s faffing through their daily lives like a picture postcard couple, and you want to see more Christopher Lee. Eventually, it becomes clear that writer Frank Ray Perilli had someone badly explain Invasion Of The Body Snatchers and human interaction to him before he made the script, and it looks like we’ve got to get back to the Nunnery as that set wasn’t cheap.

Eventually, very eventually, the rest of the cast just gives up and accepts that Christopher Lee is going to own this film, so he gets to be the actual Vicar and the leader of the invasion because a pair plot bomb expositions are better than one. This is where the themes really try to kick in, as humans are bad, the planet Utopia is surprisingly pleasant, and the Earth must be wiped out in a manner that even Scientologists would consider outrageously nonsensical pseudo-science. Meanwhile, the Borans shrug and go with it. Then the Earth blows up, and you feel a bit limp inside because all those millions of people didn’t get to sit through this film, the lucky bastards.

The most frustrating thing about this film, other than it being boring Trash that you can happily avoid watching all but a supercut of Christophe Lee’s bits, is that it could have been good if anyone involved behind the camera had put in any effort. The script and the direction are both at first draft stage, and even the slightest giving of any monkeys by those producing this would have elevated things to just about watchable. But it’s obvious that they didn’t because they got one of the greatest actors in cinematic history to sign up and then called it a day.

Probably because they knew people like me would watch it.

Sigh I’m part of the problem, aren’t I?

The Raggedyman