To avoid any possible confusion, it needs to be made clear that this is a comedic pastiche of two genres that seem to have a near infinite canon: Hallmark style Christmas romance movies and budget horror’s trading off the Amityville name. I’ll leave you to decide which one is a bigger scourge on the psyche of mankind (mostly because I can’t make my mind up on the answer) and give the general warning that all such films need. Simply put; unless you are versed in the content being parodied you may not get all the jokes that are trying to be told, and just think it’s the cheap, formulaic junk that’s being sent up.

Fortunately, I’m conversant enough in both genres* so I can tell you that writer director Steve Rudzinski manages both tasks quite well. He also gets it over and done with in 47 minutes, so the jokes don’t run out before the movie does, and plays the main character, Wally Griswold, as well as doing editing, cinematography, production, and probably making tea for everyone on set as well.

Wally is a happy-go-lucky policeman, who lives with his cats and is totally open about his monstrous abuses of power. He comes first place in a contest, which he can’t remember entering, for a free Christmas Holiday in Amityville and then he discovers, well after the audience has, that the house is haunted. The ghost is violent, female, and attractive enough was he falls in love with her.

Things move along with a fair old pace, never rushing but also not over-milking things, with the gags being a blend of farce and bait-and-switch. Performances from the cast are varied, but I don’t want to pass judgement on anyone’s work as it’s hard to tell if that’s an intentional critique of the source material or not. Thankfully they all work within context and there are a reasonable amount of chuckles for to be had for those not steeped in the parallel lores.

One big twist that is worth mentioning is that the script flips the traditional gender roles of the Hallmark Films. Wally is very much the “Ditzy career woman from the big city” and Jessica (Aleen Isley) takes the role normally cast for the “hunky, practically minded, man who leads a simpler life”. It’s a subtle change, but it adds something to the send-up and avoids some of the duller Hallmark cliches.

This also highlights the biggest shortfall of the film, in that the two premises don’t have true parity in the execution. The Hallmark blueprint provides the key plot beats, a lot of the script, and is the subversion of the horror tropes. Meanwhile, Amityville has provided the production values, acting styles, and path to that subversion, so some people are going to be turned off on those before they get to the good bits. Like the ending. Oh my god, that ending! It Broke Me!!

Overall, I have to say this is a Treasure, if nothing else but because we watched in during the Christmas break and I’ve already personally told ten people they have to watch it. It’s fast, it’s silly, it shows enough love for what it’s taking the piss out of to not come across as mean spirited, and there was much laughter whilst it was on. It might not be an easy sell for people who aren’t at least aware of the two things having their micky taken, but enough of the jokes work by just being funny that anyone into horror comedy should enjoy it.

The Raggedyman
*Please, don’t judge me. There are some genuinely good works in the extended Amityville Horror oeuvre and who amongst us hasn’t spent a weekend watching 10 near identical rom-coms to try to work out what’s wrong with people.